No Need For A Wedding!
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: When an unexpected guest arrives at the wedding of Tenchi and Ryoko it brings up the past that threatens to break up Tenchi's marriage before it starts! Old arguments and flashbacks ensue in 'No Need For A Wedding'. It's unquestionably femslash!


**No Need For a Wedding**

_By Galaxy1001D_

_Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © __AIC/Pioneer/Genon/Funimation__. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of __AIC/Pioneer/Genon/Funimation__, the author, or this website. _

_This story takes place in the __Tenchi Universe TV__ continuity, and has no bearing on the __Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki__ or (__Shin Tenchi Muyo__) __Tenchi in Tokyo__ universes._

It was a beautiful spring day at the Masaki shrine. The cherry blossoms were in bloom, the sun was shining, and the birds were singing. Ryoko looked radiant in her white wedding kimono. Tenchi wore the traditional _montsuki haori hakama _of Shinto wedding ceremonies. Ayeka at first chose a white kimono to wear at the ceremony, but Ryoko insisted that she change it, for it would be too similar to the bride's clothing. Ayeka then chose a black kimono, but Ryoko again vetoed her choice when she noticed that Ayeka had chosen the special pitch-black shade used for funerals. Finally, Ayeka chose a fancy red and purple kimono reminiscent of medieval Japan.

Despite the affectionate bickering and last minute changes, everything was ready for the special day. Kiyone, Mihoshi, Washu, Sasami, everyone was in their best and ready for the wedding. The priest performing the ceremony was none other than Katsuhito Masaki, Tenchi's grandfather, Shinto priest and keeper of the Masaki Shrine. Everything was perfect until Katsuhito, in a fit of mischief, decided to include a verse from Western weddings.

"Now if anyone has any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, let him speak now or forever hold his piece," the old man said.

"Grandpa!" Tenchi protested. His nerves were shot as it was. This was the most important day of his life and here his own grandfather was inviting a chance for Ayeka and Ryoko to break the mood. Perhaps the old man missed the old days and was trying to encourage one last good fight over the boy for old times sake.

Tenchi's father Nobuyuki started laughing, causing the video camera he was holding to shake.

Tenchi and Ryoko looked behind them at Ayeka's chair. Usually only family members and close relatives of the couple attend the Shinto-style wedding ceremony, but a number of folding chairs had been set up for all of the guests that were attending. Ayeka was sitting in the back and had been crying the entire time, sometimes quietly, sometimes not. All of the other guests turned to look at the grief stricken princess, expecting her to make a protest of some sort. Blushing, Ayeka waved dismissively to let them know that she was going to hold her tongue. She had made plenty of protests before this point and she was not going to humiliate herself by dragging up old arguments now.

Tenchi and Ryoko breathed sighs of relief as Katsuhito grinned sinisterly.

"Aw," Nobuyuki grunted in disappointment, for he was hoping for something memorable to happen while he was recording the ceremony. He at least had the decency to look ashamed when Tenchi fixed him with a penetrating glare.

Katsuhito nodded curtly and cleared his throat to get the wedding couple's attention. "Then by the power invested in me by the Okayama Prefecture I now pronounce you…"

"Hold it!" a stern female voice ordered.

"Huh?" Ayeka looked behind her.

"Uh?" Mihoshi chirped.

"Who?" Kiyone asked.

"What?" Sasami squeaked.

"No!" Tenchi gasped.

"Nagi!" Ryoko growled as she took up a fighting stance appropriate to Tiger-style Kung Fu.

"Nagi, the most fearsome bounty hunter in the galaxy," Kiyone breathed.

There at the top of the steps was an athletic and shapely woman with the worst fashion sense in the known galaxy. In an infinite universe there must be a planet where a black cloak, black catsuit with bare legs, tattoos on the face and legs and worst looking pair of clown shoes this side of the Horsehead Nebula were in style, but it certainly wasn't Earth. "I have a reason why these two should not be joined in matrimony," the bounty hunter announced. "Any wedding that features Ryoko as the bride is a farce and a lie! There is no way in hell this woman could possibly keep the vows she's giving!"

"Those are fighting words, Nagi!" Ryoko sneered as her hands glowed with an eldritch energy.

"Now wait a moment!" the teal-haired Kiyone rose from her seat to interpose herself between the two women. "Ayeka gave Ryoko a royal pardon! You have no legal right to attack her anymore!"

"But if it's a duel you want, that remark will get you one!" Ryoko snarled. "How dare you ruin this special day for Tenchi and me!"

"Yes, I thought you two had settled your differences at Jurai!" Tenchi protested. "I thought that deep down, you really respected Ryoko! Why are you starting a fight now?"

"I haven't come to start a fight, I've simply come to prevent a travesty," Nagi clarified as she stepped forward. "You may hate me for this, Juraian Prince, but you'll thank me later."

"Thank you later?" Ayeka jumped to her feet. "What do you mean?" This day was as nerve-wracking on her as it was for the happy couple. Any excuse to vent her anguish seemed like a good one.

"I mean that there is no point putting bad blood between Ryoko and the House of Jurai," Nagi smiled grimly at the purple-haired princess. "Not after you granted her that royal pardon."

"You're talking in riddles," Ryoko protested. "This wedding will _bind_ our blood, not tear us apart! You aren't making any sense!"

"Aren't I?" Nagi sneered at the former space pirate. "You out of anyone should know that I'm telling the truth. No matter how much you love him, we both know it won't last and you'll be wandering the galaxy, leaving broken hearts in your wake."

"That's not true!" Ryoko cried. "I'd _die_ for him!"

"I know you would, Ryoko," Nagi approached her sadly, "and that's what makes it so tragic."

"What are you talking about?" the blonde Mihoshi chimed in. "Ryoko would never leave Tenchi! He's all she ever talks about!"

"That's just the way she is," Nagi sighed wistfully. "Ryoko's love is a passionate flame that burns brightly but never lasts. While she is in love with you she will do anything and make any sacrifice, but when the feeling fades she leaves without even saying goodbye."

"Yes," a tearful Ayeka looked away.

"Look, I'm just being honest, okay?" the cyan-haired bride sputtered. "When I'm in love, I'll do anything for my beloved, but if the feeling goes away I'm not going to insult my lover by going through the motions! You can't hold that against me!"

"Ryoko what is she talking about?" Tenchi's asked in a high-pitched voice.

"Do you want to tell him or shall I?" Nagi turned to face an ashamed Ayeka.

"I suppose that I should tell him," Ayeka said quietly. "He deserves to know the truth."

"Hey, there's no need to bring up the past!" Ryoko protested fearfully. "Don't ruin this for me Ayeka!"

"Oh Ryoko, you know that I would never spoil this special day for you," Ayeka said sadly, "but you have to admit that Tenchi should know the whole story. All of it. You two _are_ getting married you know."

"This isn't fair!" Ryoko pouted childishly. "This was supposed to be our special day!"

"Tenchi, I suppose that you should know that you aren't the first person that Ryoko has fallen in love with," Ayeka sighed as she crept softly over to Nagi and the wedding couple. "You see Ryoko here was my first love."

"What! Really?" Tenchi screeched as his eyes became round saucers.

"I knew it," the carrot topped Washu muttered.

"You owe me five hundred yen!" Nobuyuki crowed triumphantly.

"All right," Katsuhito huffed. "No need to gloat."

"You've got to be kidding!" Tenchi protested.

"No really, it's true," Ayeka nodded sadly before she looked away. "I never got over Ryoko or felt anything for anyone else until I met you. It seemed like destiny, for we kept bumping into each other when we where children. I know we never got along during those chance encounters, but eventually we recognized each other and started talking. The rest… is history I suppose…"

"Now wait a minute," Mihoshi objected. "I don't understand. A princess of Jurai and the galaxy's most wanted space pirate?"

"She wasn't a space pirate then," Ayeka sighed. "When we got together she was a chambermaid at a luxury hotel."

"I don't believe it!" Tenchi shuddered.

"Yes, I remember, it was during my first trip around the galaxy," Ayeka said wistfully. I was staying at a luxurious hotel by the sea. Although I stayed in the royal suite, something wasn't right… Now I know!"

* * *

Five years ago, the teenage Ayeka opened the door to the bedroom of the royal suite. She gasped in horror and indignation when she saw the chambermaid lying comatose on her bed surrounded by empty liquor bottles. It was unbelievable! Somehow, this peasant girl had the audacity to drink herself into oblivion and was snoring like a buzzsaw right on her bed!

"What are you doing on my bed?" the teen Ayeka protested. "Wake up!" she said as she marched over to the dozing drunk. "What do you think you are doing getting drunk and sleeping on my bed! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!"

"Huh?" the chambermaid was a teenage girl the same age as the lavender haired princess of Jurai. She was attractive in a tomboyish, girl-next-door way despite her drunken stupor and her wild and spiky cyan-white hair. She opened her bleary topaz yellow eyes to stare at the ceiling before turning her head to glance at the indignant Ayeka. "Who are you?"

"I'm Ayeka, the first princess of Jurai and the guest _staying_ in the royal suite!" A vein bulged on Ayeka's head as she shook her fist. "How dare you drink yourself silly and pass out on my bed! I'll have your job for this!"

"Not so loud," the chambermaid groaned. "I'm dying…"

"You're just lucky that I'm merciful, or I could have you put to death!" Ayeka sneered as she crossed her arms.

"Go ahead," the cyan-haired girl groaned. "I don't care anymore."

"What?" Ayeka cooed, her rancor forgotten. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm ready to die," the chambermaid sighed. "I don't care anymore."

"What do you mean you don't care?" Teen Ayeka's nagging became concerned instead of angry. "Of course you care! You are young and beautiful, and you could have a wonderful future if you give it a chance!"

"No I don't," the chambermaid mumbled. "I went to the doctor today and you know what he said?"

"Oh my!" Teen Ayeka put her hand to her mouth and backed up a step. "Does that mean… you're with child? Then you definitely have to survive! Think of the child…"

"I'm not pregnant," the chambermaid muttered.

"You're dying?" Ayeka gasped. "I promise that I'll use my wealth to get you the best doctors…!"

"I'm not dying," the cyan-haired girl sighed.

"You're adopted?" Ayeka guessed. "It's shocking, but it isn't the end of the world. I'm sure your adopted parents love you very much…"

"I'm not adopted," the golden-eyed girl assured her. "I don't have any parents adopted or otherwise. That's my problem. I don't exist."

The teenage princess laughed nervously. "I can assure you, you do."

"No I don't," the girl sighed. "I don't have any parents. I don't think I ever did. The doctor did a genetic scan on me. My genes are so orderly that there's no way I was conceived in the conventional sense. Whoever this Ryoko girl is, her mother was a test tube and her father was a knife."

"Ryoko?"

"That's my name," the girl said miserably. "No last name. Don't have a last name 'cause I don't have a family. Never have, and now I never will. All I got is these freaky superpowers."

"You have superpowers?" the princess asked. "You have cosmic powers like the Jurai royal family?"

"Yep."

"Like what?"

"Well, for starters, I emptied all of these booze bottles and I'm still alive," the girl groaned. "I tried to drink myself to death and I failed."

"Well, you have to be careful because that can be habit forming," Ayeka lectured.

"So what?" Ryoko moaned. "I plan to kill myself before the week's over."

"No you won't!" Ayeka frowned. "I forbid it!"

The groggy Ryoko managed to sit up. "Wat'cha gonna do, Your Highness? Lock me up? Not gonna work 'cause I can go through walls."

"You can?" the crimson-eyed princess seemed skeptical.

"Yup, just watch." The skinny chambermaid disappeared from the bed and reappeared lying on the floor. "I can teleport too."

"That's amazing!" Ayeka said. "Look, the Universe gave you a gift and there's no point squandering it. I'll take you in. You can be my traveling companion until you get back on your feet. All right? Just give yourself a chance. You might be surprised at the outcome."

"All right," teenage Ryoko nodded. "Deal." The cyan-haired girl staggered to her feet and looked at Ayeka with moist golden eyes. "You know what, your highness, you really are one of the good ones…"

* * *

"And that was the first time we met and actually got along," Ayeka explained in the present day. "We didn't recognize each other as our childhood antagonists until we compared notes much later."

"You are just hilarious, Ayeka!" Ryoko guffawed. "That's not how it happened at all!"

"What?" Ayeka's ruby red eyes widened in surprise. "What do you mean, Ryoko? That's the way I remember it."

"If you're going to be dragging up our dirty laundry, you better get your facts straight," Ryoko huffed. "Listen this is what happened…"

* * *

"I'm bored," the teenage first princess of Jurai complained. "Ordering peasants around and using my yacht to capsize rowboats is fun, but I want something different!"

"Crandall the Amazing will be here tomorrow, Your Highness," a seven-foot tall three foot wide cylindrical log assured her as a blue light flashed in perfect time with the words produced by its deep rumbling voice.

"Yes," said a similar log with a red light that flashed in synchronicity with its high-pitched squeaky voice. "He's supposed to be the best stage magician in the galaxy."

"Seen it," the young princess snorted in derision. "That stuff is so last year."

"You seem out of sorts, Your Highness," the log with the blue light rumbled.

"Well of course I'm out of sorts, Azaka," young Ayeka grumbled. "After this sightseeing trip my family will try to marry me off to someone. If there's anything I can't stand its those hairy, smelly, disgusting men!"

"You never seemed to mind men before," the log with the red light squeaked.

"Of course not, Kamadake, I didn't have to marry them before," the young princess huffed. "Honestly, I'm just going to have to find a way to postpone it as long as I can and even when I can't I'll just have to arrange marriage meetings with as many suitors as I can to keep the competition going."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Azaka's deep voice boomed.

"Yes, you'd have to spend all of your time going to marriage meetings," Kamadake agreed.

"It's the only plan I've got," Ayeka growled. "What else am I going to do?"

"Alright everybody, hands up!" A girl Ayeka's age magically appeared out of nowhere to put her arm around the princess. "You two logs! Get me the princess' jewelry box or I'll let her have it!" The wild, cyan-haired girl used her other hand to create a ball of energy and hold it inches from the princess' face. "Go on! Do as I say!"

"Princess Ayeka! What do we do?" Kamadake piped.

"We better do as she says, she's got the drop on Ayeka!" Azaka rumbled.

"You fiend!" Ayeka frowned. "You'll never get away with this!"

"Too bad!" the cyan-haired girl grinned evilly. "I just found out I've got these weird superpowers, and I've found a spaceship! I'm going to take your money and travel the universe! I'm gonna stay at the fanciest hotels! Eat the finest food! And when I run out of money, I'll just steal some more and live on easy street! I'll be totally free and answer to no one!"

"That… that… That sounds wonderful!" Ayeka blinked. "You could run away, and live however you like! Why didn't I think of that?"

"You gotta admit, it's a good idea," the young stickup artist smiled gently.

"Take me with you!" Ayeka gushed. "I don't want to go home! They're going to force me to marry someone I've never met! Please you've got to take me with you!"

"Princess Ayeka please!" Azaka protested.

"We could never allow you to leave our care," Kamadake agreed. "Letting this robber steal your jewels is one thing, but we would never allow you to be kidnapped!"

"Kidnapped! That's it!" Ayeka smiled. "That's it! You could kidnap me! That way I wouldn't damage my family's good name!"

"What? Are you crazy?" the holdup girl grunted. "I'd be hunted throughout the universe for the rest of my life!"

"Oh please take me with you!" Ayeka broke free to kneel before the young hooligan and clasp her hands in a pleading gesture. "We can live on the run and sleep under haystacks! I'll shine your shoes and feed your horse and we can live the life of dashing highwaymen! Please! You've go to take me with you! You said you had a spaceship! If you had a horse I'd hold you tight as we thundered through the night with the law behind us and the future far in front! I'd do anything! _Anything_!" she repeated desperately.

"Well that sounds romantic, but I'm afraid I don't have a horse," the cyan-haired girl apologized.

"Mew," meowed a little furry animal that appeared to be a cross between a kitten and a baby rabbit.

"Really, Ryo-ohki?" the cyan-haired girl said to the little rabbit-thing. "You like her?" When the animal meowed in agreement, the young criminal nodded. "Okay, then. We'll take her with us. Let's go!"

"Wee!" Ayeka cheered as she threw her arms around her abductor. "Farewell my guardians! Tell my family that I was kidnapped! Goodbye!"

With that the two girls and the animal disappeared. Outside the window a large brown spiky spaceship appeared and took off into the sky, making meowing sounds that echoed for miles.

"We are in _so_ much trouble, Azaka," the log with the red light muttered.

"Yes, but we have to obey the princess' order," the log with the blue light sighed. "No matter how obsessed or deranged."

* * *

In present day, Princess Ayeka was frothing mad. "How could you, Ryoko?" the purple haired princess seethed. "I take you in when you're down and this is the thanks you give me? How could you possibly make up such ridiculous rubbish?"

"Hey, my story wasn't made up," Ryoko frowned. "That's the way it happened. Don't blame me for _your_ faulty memory."

"My memory isn't faulty!" Ayeka insisted. "You made me sound like I was desperate! We didn't even experiment for almost a year!"

"Uh, not to bring back bad memories but what broke the two of you up?" Mihoshi asked. "Aside of the endless bickering you two seem inseparable."

"It was so sudden, I couldn't understand it," Ayeka bowed her head as tears trickled from her eyes. "I didn't find out why she left until years later."

* * *

"I can't believe you wanted to go for a drink in this sleazy bar," the Ayeka of three years ago huffed in disgust. This Ayeka resembled the young and glamorous princess of the present day. "Why just look at the clientele, they look like unkempt riff-raff."

"All the cool people come here," Ryoko assured her. The two years since she had met the princess had been good to her. Instead of the awkward girl that was all knees and elbows she had grown into a beautiful woman. Somehow she managed to combine the glamour and sophistication of a woman with the spunk and naiveté of a girl. The combination was breathtaking. "Honestly Ayeka, your friends are snoreville. Club Bastich is the place to be."

"Cool, huh?" Ayeka wrinkled her nose while eyeing the rough and tumble patrons. "Since when does 'cool' mean 'hoodlum'? Trains Han is cool and he's as upper crust and respectable as can be." Ayeka cleared her throat and attempted to deepen her voice. "Han… Trains Han… I'll have my martini shaken, not stirred…"

"Ooh! Look there!" Ryoko pointed to a sinister woman in a black cloak. "That's Nagi, the bounty hunter! I hear she's the most fearsome bounty hunter in the galaxy! She's fulfilled every contract, and brought every one of her targets back, dead or alive!"

"Ugh, just look at that butch," Ayeka sneered. "Honestly who dresses like that? Does she have to ugly herself up just to intimidate the bad guys? We should stay away from her. Bounty hunters are only slightly less dangerous than the criminals they hunt."

"I want to meet her," Ryoko insisted. "Order us some drinks while I get her autograph."

"Very well, but don't blame me if she brushes you off," Ayeka sniffed. "Unless you have a price on your head she'll never even notice you." As she seated herself at the bar, the first princess of Jurai snapped her fingers to receive service. "You there! Barkeep! Two hot sakes please!"

Behind the princess, Ryoko could be seen at the table of the bounty hunter introducing herself.

"Can I see some ID?" the bartender asked.

In the background, Nagi gestured for Ryoko to sit at her table.

"Goodness, I'm surprised this establishment even asks," Ayeka sniffed. "I, sir, am Ayeka, the first princess of Jurai. I can order a sake wherever I wish, regardless of my actual age."

Over the princess' shoulder, Ryoko and Nagi could be seen laughing and joking like old friends.

"But do you have any ID?" the bartender prodded.

A waitress served two drinks at Nagi's table.

"I don't need an ID," the haughty princess insisted as she opened her coin purse. "Look my face is printed right here on the one hundred thousand Jurai bill!" She held the bill at eye level so the barkeep could compare the two. "See?"

When she handed the bill to the bartender, Nagi's table was again visible from behind the bar. Ryoko and Nagi had their arms behind each other's shoulders in camaraderie as they toasted and drank.

"Uh… I've never seen a bill that high," the bartender admitted as he passed it back to her. "Do you have anything else? I could lose my license y' know."

In the distance Ryoko and Nagi held hands and gazed into each other's eyes.

"Very well! Azaka! Kamadake!" Ayeka bellowed. Two logs slid over to the bar. "Show this peasant my identification will you? He doesn't believe that I'm allowed to buy a little drink."

"Actually, Princess, the Royal Family would prefer that you didn't imbibe outside of the palace…" The log with the blue glyph rumbled as a blue light flashed in synchronization with its words.

"That's an order!" Ayeka snapped.

"Very well," the log with the red glyph chirped before a hologram of Ayeka appeared before it. Personal data scrolled by as the tiny image of the princess and a DNA double helix spun in the air. After a few seconds, the image vanished the two logs slid away to reveal Ryoko and Nagi were locked in a passionate embrace.

"There are you satisfied?" Ayeka grumbled completely oblivious to the fact that Nagi was pushing Ryoko onto the table so she could lie on top of her while they kissed and fondled each other.

"Okay, your highness," the bartender agreed. "You got me outranked and outflanked. Here's your hot sake." A bottle of sake appeared with two steaming sake bowls.

Behind the unsuspecting princess, Nagi stood up to hold Ryoko in her arms as if she was a bride being carried over the threshold. Nagi carried the cyan-haired girl to the door while a smiling Ryoko waved to the bar's patrons and blew kisses.

"Well it's about time," Ayeka huffed. Behind her, Ryoko produced a bouquet of flowers that she tossed to one of the barmaids before being carried out of the bar. "Ryoko, have you got that bounty hunter's autograph yet?" the purple haired princess asked as she turned to look for her friend. "Ryoko?"

* * *

"She left without even saying goodbye," sniffed a teary-eyed Ayeka back in the present day. "She didn't even have the decency to tell me it was over."

"I told you over and over but you just wouldn't listen," Ryoko countered. "You make it sound like I just disappeared one day. Look, this is what really happened…"

* * *

"Ayeka I don't know how to tell you this," Ryoko said hesitantly, "but I've found someone else. To be honest things haven't been the same between us ever since our trip to Ryuten."

"Don't be silly Ryoko, all lovers fight," Ayeka assured her. "Now let's find something to wear to next week's ball shall we? We really want to make a good impression."

"Ayeka aren't you listening?" Ryoko gently protested. "It's over and I'm leaving you. I've found someone else and I'm moving on…"

"Oh Ryoko don't be silly, you could never leave me," Ayeka said in a cheery voice. Then her face contorted into an ugly scowl and her flutelike voice became an angry screech. "'Cause if you did I'D HUNT YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE UNIVERSE!" Instantly, the purple haired goblin vanished and the sweet and gentle princess returned. "Now help me choose and outfit that won't clash with my new shoes, will you? You are ever so decisive."

"Uh yeah I sure am," Ryoko stammered nervously. "Tell you what, I'll go check my closet okay? Be right back."

"Okay," Ayeka waved innocently as Ryoko backed out the room.

When Ryoko got back to her room she picked up a large suitcase, opened a window and jumped out of it.

Back in her room, Ayeka gazed into her closet and stroked her chin thoughtfully while trying to decided what to wear. She didn't look out of her window so she didn't see a large white spiky spaceship leave the surface of Jurai to disappear into the sky.

* * *

"You are such a liar!" Ayeka protested. "You make me out to be some over-possessive maniac! I wasn't like that at all. I didn't hunt you down! I waited patiently for you to come back to me!"

* * *

Three years ago a smiling Ayeka sat in a comfortable parlor next to a holographic communications unit. "She'll be back," she shrugged hopefully.

* * *

Two and a half years ago, Ayeka sat in the same comfortable parlor while Startica decorations covered the walls. "She'll be back," she sighed wistfully.

* * *

Two years ago, Ayeka sat in the same comfortable parlor next to the holographic communications unit. There was a poster behind her displaying Nagi and Ryoko in 'action-cop' poses and the words '_Beautiful Bounty Hunters: These Man-eaters are Manhunters!_ "She'll be back," she nodded patiently. "I just know it."

* * *

One and a half years ago, Ayeka sat in the same comfortable parlor reading a newspaper. The headline displayed. _Nagi and Ryoko break up: Sidekick Ryoko quits Bounty Hunting and Becomes a Space Pirate._ Ayeka lowered the newspaper to reveal her dark scowl as a tear dripped down her cheek. "She's… not… coming back is she?" she asked through clenched teeth.

* * *

"Man you are so full of it!" Ryoko declared in the present day. "That's not how you reacted at all and you know it!"

* * *

The Ayeka of the past clenched her fists as the power of Jurai caused glass to break and plaster to fall from the walls. "She left me? _ME?_ The first princess of Jurai? Me? How dare she! Put a price on her head! She'll never be able to get near a civilized system without the Galaxy Police dragging her back to me in chains! _Chains _do you hear me? Chains!"

* * *

"I can't believe you!" the teary-eyed princess protested in the present day. "You make it look like your reputation as a space pirate was all my fault and that you never did anything! You stole everything you own!"

"Of course I did," Ryoko huffed. "With that price on my head, do you think I could get a job?"

"Wow this all makes sense!" Mihoshi squeaked. "No wonder Nagi took her hunt for Ryoko so personally! No wonder Ayeka seemed more frightened of Nagi than Ryoko was!"

"I get it!" Sasami chirped. "She was afraid that Nagi would take Ryoko away again, one way or the other! It all makes sense now!"

"All this time I thought she was getting jealous over Tenchi," Kiyone murmured, "but all this time it was Ryoko! And I call myself a detective…"

"Ayeka!" Tenchi cried in horror. "You mean all this time… You were never attracted to me?"

"Of course I was," Ayeka assured him. "You are the first boy I've _ever_ been attracted to. My one hope to give the royal family some heirs while being married to someone I could actually love. Why else do you think I crashed _Ryu-oh_ into _Ryo-ohki_ the day we first met? My first love and my only hope at happiness were taken away from me in the same breath!"

"Just like now!" Sasami gasped as she rushed forward to hug her sister. "Oh Ayeka!"

"And you!" Tenchi turned to face his bride. "Are you really interested in men? Have you ever been attracted to a boy before I showed up?"

"Uh… to be honest you're my first," Ryoko admitted. "But just you're my first boy doesn't mean I can't swing both ways! Don't worry Tenchi, I find you attractive, I always have. So has Ayeka, right Ayeka?"

"Yes, Tenchi," the princess smiled through tear-filled eyes. "I've always found you physically attractive."

"Oh really?" Tenchi raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Just what is it about me that you find so good-looking?"

"Oh Tenchi, your lithe body, shiny hair, smooth cheeks," Ayeka smiled as she closed her eyes. "Your level head in a crisis…"

"The way your butt wiggles when you walk, your strong but dainty hands, the way you yelp when you're scared…" Ryoko closed her eyes and smiled as well. "Your beautiful eyes, your pouty lips…"

"I guess I shouldn't be so worried," Tenchi laughed self-consciously before he blinked in realization. "Hey! Wait a minute! That description could apply to _Kiyone_ for crying out loud!"

"You know, it could!" Mihoshi nodded cheerfully. "_I_ would marry somebody like that!"

Kiyone blushed and hid her face in her hands.

"No… Tenchi, no!" Ryoko assured him. "I don't only like girls, I swear! I like men too, honestly."

"Although you _are_ the first man she ever showed interest in," Nagi snorted. "When I first heard that Ryoko was hiding out with some man I couldn't believe it."

"It's true," Ayeka nodded. "Just because Ryoko and I both prefer girls that doesn't mean we aren't in love with you!"

"I'm the exception because I'm so manly, is that it?" the boy asked hopefully. His face fell when nearly all of the wedding guests tried unsuccessfully to hide their laughter. Even his father's relatives were having a tough time.

Ryoko and Ayeka laughed the loudest and the most obnoxiously, but when they saw the despairing look on Tenchi's face, their laughter died. "Oh," they both muttered while covering their mouths.

"Hey, it's okay, Tenchi," his father assured him while placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I wasn't the manliest guy on the block when I was your age either. But I grew up and became the he-man macho-man I am today!"

"But Dad, no matter how many times you threw yourself at Ryoko, she always turned you down flat!" Tenchi pointed out.

"Oh," Nobuyuki's confidence vanished. "Right."

"It… it isn't going to work," Tenchi sniveled as he sank to his knees. "There's no way a marriage with Ryoko is going to last! After all this time trying to make up my mind… I… I can't get married! I'm sorry… I can't…"

"Ayeka!" Ryoko sobbed as she hugged the princess tight. "He dumped me! He dumped me at the altar!"

"There-there Ryoko," Ayeka sighed wistfully as she put her arms around the forsaken bride. "No matter what happens, you still have me."

"Humph," Nagi snorted as she turned to go with a flourish. One of the advantages to being the toughest bounty hunter in the universe was being able to hide the sting of rejection. "I told you you'd thank me someday," she muttered as she marched away.

As Tenchi howled in aguish, his father tried to comfort him. "There-there Tenchi," Nobuyuki smiled bravely as he put his arm around his son and pointed to Mihoshi and Kiyone. "There are other fish in the sea."

"That's right Dad," Tenchi struggled to put on a brave face. "I know plenty of beautiful girls from outer space! It's not like they're _all_ lesbians…" His face fell as he stared at the two Galaxy Police Detectives. "It's over," he sobbed as he sunk to his knees.

"Hey!" Kiyone snarled as she made a fist.

"Come on Tenchi," Nobuyuki knelt down to console him. "It's not the end of the world. I didn't get to marry Ryoko either, but I moved on."

That snapped the boy out of his funk. "What are you talking about? She never wanted to marry you," he frowned.

"True, but that doesn't mean that I didn't want to marry _her_," his father winked. "When I first saw her she was so beautiful…"

Tenchi scrunched his face has he tried not to start crying again.

"Er… uh… but I moved on!" Nobuyuki stammered. "Yes, I moved on. I found someone else and never looked back."

"Now is not the time," Washu appeared to whisper in Nobuyuki's ear. "Shut it. Trust me."

"But I thought we were going to announce our engagement," Nobuyuki whined.

"Will you shut up?" Washu said as she gestured to Tenchi. "_Not now_!"

Tenchi's breath came in shallow gasps as tears trickled down his cheeks. "Even my father has somebody…" he whimpered. "Washu is gone too…"

"It's okay, Tenchi!" Sasami smiled as the clouds parted and a ray of sunshine shone down on the blue haired child. "If you can wait until I grow up, _I'll_ marry you!"

"Meow," the brown furry cabbit called Ryo-ohki assured him.

"Th-thanks Sasami," he smiled weakly. "I knew I could count on you…"

"You're welcome," Sasami grinned as she hugged the kneeling boy. "Oh boy, Ryo-ohki! I made a wish upon a star and all of my wishes came true!"

The tiny cabbit meowed and made a 'thumbs-up' gesture with her forepaw.

"_Your _wishes?" Ayeka looked up from comforting Ryoko. "Why you little..." The purple haired princess snarled, but then her expression softened when she glanced the distraught Ryoko in her arms. "Well, I suppose that some of _my_ wishes came true too."

"Pay up old man," Washu said to Katsuhito. "You owe me the amount of the original bet, plus the amount I paid you when it looked like I lost."

"This just isn't my day," the old man shrugged.

"This is great!" Sasami cheered. "All of us have somebody, and we all have each other! I'm going to put a little shiny heart sticker on _this_ day!"

"_All_ of us have somebody?" Katsuhito repeated. "Just a second, maybe I can catch Nagi before she gets away," he muttered as he dashed after the bounty hunter.

Washu looked over at Sasami hugging the distraught Tenchi and turned and said, "Seriously, did anybody who watched Tenchi Universe _not_ see this ending coming?"

END


End file.
